07/13/10 You must give birth to your images. They are the future waiting to be born.

People digest and absorb their lives by rushing and turning it into one big story

Learn your way around loneliness and your problems. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for
once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.Never use
another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own
unfulfilled yearnings.

I don't want to go through the motions
I don't want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and
nobody wants to do maintenance.I found power in accepting the truth of who I am. It may not be what others choose to accept and I'm completely content with that.

There are betrayals in war that are childlike compared with our human betrayals during peace. The new lover enters the habits of the other. Things are smashed, revealed in new light. This is done with nervous or tender sentences, although the heart is an organ of fire.
A love story is not about those who lose their heart but about those who find that sullen inhabitant who, when it is stumbled upon, means the body can fool no one, can fool nothing - not the wisdom of sleep or the habit of social graces. It is a consuming of oneself and the past."


Imagine immortality, where even a marriage of fifty years would feel like a one-night stand. Imagine seeing trends and fashions blur past you. Imagine the world more crowded and desperate every century. Imagine changing religions, homes, diets, careers, until none of them have any real value.Imagine traveling the world until you're bored with every square inch. Imagine your emotions, your loves and hates and rivalries and victories, played out again and again until life is nothing more than a melo-dramatic soap opera. Until you regard the birth and death of other people with no more emotion than the wilted cut flowers you throw away.

I am human. Like all humans, I do not remember my birth. By the time we wake up to ourselves, we are little children, and our advent is something that happened an eternity ago, at the beginning of time. We live like latecomers to the theater; we must catch up as best we can, divining the begging from the shape of later events.


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I have ended up where I needed to be.
It's amazing how quickly nature consumes human places after we turn our backs on them. Life is a hungry thing.

07/09/10 I'll rip the best pages from my favorite books, and lay in a bed of my favorite words.

We all have moments like these...

I don't see butterfly's anymore, I see black and white moths; which are what I have always thought of as Ghost butterfly's, their lost spirits.
I don't hear tree's blowing in the wind, I hear couples fighting through the walls, people crying, people fighting and yelling at the top of their lungs.
I don't see the ice cream truck, I see ambulances and cop cars.
I don't cry, or smile, I sit outside on the stairwell and stare at a silence, that not many can hear anymore.
I can't run barefoot in a field of grass, I cut my feet on broken bottles and sting the wounds with alcohol dripping from the glass. I don't smell the smoke of bonfires, I smell the smoke of drugs infecting lungs all around me.
You'd think I was scared, but I'm not.

I meet people I think are nice, I feel happy and excited for a moment, until they show their true colors, who they really are, what their lifestyle really is. Deception of their own realities.

They're all ghost butterflies aren't they?



_______________________


What I do, when finding the smallest ounce of hope being the hardest thing to grasp is....

Breathe, Breathe in the air slowly, clearing the traffic jam in my mind by closing my eyes and creating a bubble of happy perception in my head, it grows, it grows into something beautiful that helps you see butterfly's again.


-Nellie.