She can paint a lovely picture.

"She can paint a lovely picture...

BUT this story has a twist.

Her paintbrush is a razor

and her canvas is her wrist."

There is a lot of ways each of us handles our life. Different ways of coping, different experiences, and different strengths as well as weaknesses.

I hear people of all ages either always acting weak begging for sympathy and attention, or acting as if nothing can harm them and like they are emotionless, or some type of "Bad Ass"

I see people putting everyone down, giving up, and settling for less and less, pointing out other's faults or mistakes or dwelling in their own self pity.

There's some vast amount of aggression I slam down my throat in moments where I feel I've lost all control. I lose my respect and courage for myself. I look at myself as invisibly numb living in a town where everyone is slowly turning into a ghost and blending into the walls of the buildings as they fall to the ground.

I can choose to give up, or act as if nothing ever hurts, act as if I think I can handle this world better than all of you. But neither one will get me, or you anywhere.

There's a million girls looking in the mirror everyday seeing an ugly monster they think is actually them.

There's a million people deceiving those they love because they are too afraid to be honest.

There's a million little secrets and a million little lies.

There's a million people struggling to pay rent in a building that smells of cigarettes and radiates tired souls living in a tired town with the ghosts.

There's a million broken hearts and suicide notes.

There's a million boys, girls, trans-gender's afraid to be themselves.

There's a million parents who beat there children on a daily basis.

There's a million divorces and broken homes.

There's a million people living each day tediously waiting for something to happen.

There's a million coffin's the size of new born babies being filled every day.

There's a million people who lie to save themselves.

There's a million people who don't know the different between reality and their egotistical image.

There's a million people killing, and a million people breathing.

There's a million beautiful eyes crying every night.

There's a million souls dying every day.

Your one in a million.

Your one mind, one person, one voice, one soul.

Sometimes it's hard to remember/ realize how hard you are on yourself, and everyone else around you.

Sometimes it's hard to remember we are all one in a million.

Sometimes it's hard to smile, and we forget sometimes it's hard for everyone to smile.

But a smile is contagious, and so is hope.

So here's a message for you all as well as for myself.

Start to respect yourself again, start to be proud of who you are, and have the courage to take on anything, while also trying to smile at those who may need a smile or two.

Try your best to be your best, and don't be so hard on yourself...

and pass your hope on to those who need it, and you will never run out.

-Nellie.

Things are looking up.

I dont have much to say.
but I'm quite anti-social lately.
It's what I needed.
I feel revitalized.

Some people would think I'd be lonely sitting at home alone so much, but I prefer it most of the time.

It helped me heal.
It helped me self reflect and start to grow again.

I've lost 5 pounds since physical therapy started.
It feels crazy to be able to lose weight now that I'm on thyroid meds and that my back doesn't feel like hell on earth all the time.


Anyways, I'm doing my best still. Busy. but happy.
ready to live and move forward to my next step :]

I've learned to not be to dissapointed in things anymore, stuff happens, friends fade away sometimes, people disgust you.
But I just kind of blow it off, and appreciate the ones who don't let me down.
Hating takes too much energy.

I'd rather put my energy into good things :)