$$$$ x_x $$$$

Financial Stress, to the max. OOOOOOFDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

A doodle I did, It portrays how I feel right now.

I have gained a whole hell of a lot of wisdom through my 21 years of life. The things I have gone through, most would never guess with knowing me. I am a very positive person, and I try very hard to be.

Now, I know that the whole world is struggling with money, and debt, I just think back to when I was 10 years old and the world seemed so much more simple. The worries I had back then were SO insignificant, yet back then they felt like the end of the world. Now I struggle just to afford food. Much less, bills, gas, car insurance, car maintenance, ect. I try so hard to get by.  The weight of the world seems to bury me 6ft deep lately. I know many people in this world struggle pay-check-to-paycheck just like I do, so I am not saying "woe is me" But I'm sharing my experience. It is draining, it changes you, it destroys a lot of happiness and produces a lot of constant stress and worry. But as I talked to one of my closest friends she reminded me that it is good to live paycheck to paycheck at least once in your life, it makes you humbled, and understanding of how hard life really is. Reality isn't pretty, I won't sugar coat it. I really thought High school was a hell hole, most of my worries through elementary school and High school involved my appearance, I was constantly struggling with being overweight, and being treated so differently because of it. I was struggling with accepting myself, finding myself, LIKING myself. I also worried far too much of what others thought of me, and I look back now and think WHYYYYYY, What for? So what if I didn't have fancy clothes, or the best body, after all of that NONE of that matters. The only people who matter in my life now, are the ones that love and accept me for who I REALLY I am. Who I have grown to be, and who I am growing into. Please, don't spend time worrying, obsessing, over how you look. Look in the mirror and tell yourself ONE thing at least that you like about yourself, physically. If you can't find one thing, keep trying, and remember that you ARE beautiful. You could really spread your wings and become everything you want to be if you could get past insecurities. 
      

I have too much heart for my own good sometimes. I get walked all over, many individuals have used me through my life, for many different things. It hurts sometimes to weed out those who truly don't care for me. But it has to be done. Once I stopped surrounding myself with negative people, and people who are too materialistic for their own good, I became someone. I got to know who I really am. I can't believe who I used to be, and there's no comparison to who I am today.

That's the thing, I had so many expectations for myself. I had so many dreams, and goals. (Not that I still don't) But when I was 13-15 years old, I would have NEVER imagined this is where I would be at in life. I thought things would come easier than they did, I thought things would work out in my favor, I didn't think. I didn't think about reality, I hoped for the best, and No I don't regret it, for no one can prepare you for the pain you have to endure, for the frustrations, the losses, the stress, no one can prepare you for what your future holds.

The most IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it's not forever, tomorrow is a new day. I've had days where work has taken everything out of me to the point of completely destroying me, on top of being sick, on top of someone close to me passing away, on top of my cat dying, on top of a friend hurting me, on top of someone cheating on me, on top of someone lying to me, on top of someone screaming at me, on top of someone judging me, on top of someone belittling me, on top of someone treating me like dirt, on top of many other things. It all builds up like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It's okay to cry about it, but remember that it's also okay to accept help, to talk about it, and to have scary thoughts.

We all have corners in our minds that we forget about, they are filled with cobwebs and a collection of nightmares and unspeakable regrets, thoughts, and words. Sometimes it's hard not to go there, and once you are there sometimes it's hard to pull yourself out.

You can't just wish for a better future, or a better tomorrow, you have to do something and work till your last breath to make things better.  The world is unfair, and the things I have gone through so far in my life, many people tell me no one should ever have to go through. But every tragedy, every nightmare that became my reality I do not regret, I do not hold hatred towards it. I am thankful for them all, for they have given me strength through battling all the weakest of times.

It's okay to be afraid, and it's okay to not know what is going to happen.
Just try your best to enjoy the ride, and seek help along the way, surround yourself with genuine souls.


XOXOXOXOXOXO. -Nellie


~ Remember, if you need advice, help, or guidance, I am here to do my best. I care.~
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